Behind Belinda’s Desk 

The Awkward “Can I Have a Free Dress?” Instagram DM

By Belinda Birt

There is a particular Instagram message that I think almost every small business owner knows.

It usually starts something like this:

“Hi lovely! I absolutely LOVE your brand and everything you do. I have an event coming up and would love to collaborate. In exchange for a complimentary dress hire, I can post to my Instagram, share some stories and, of course, tag you!”

And look, I love a collaboration.

I genuinely do.

Some of the most beautiful content we have received over the years has come from people we have collaborated with, and when the partnership is genuine, the person genuinely loves our business and their audience genuinely aligns with ours, it can be fantastic for everyone involved.

But there is one tiny detail that sometimes makes these messages a little awkward.

You followed our Instagram account five minutes before sending it.

And now you're telling me how much you've always loved what we do.

I say this with love, but Instagram tells me when you followed us.

The Part of a “Free” Collaboration That Isn't Free

I think there is a real misunderstanding around collaborations, particularly when it comes to small businesses.

From the outside, it can seem simple.

We already own the dress. You wear it. You take some photos. You tag us. Everyone wins.

Except the dress isn't free to us.

Every dress hanging in Your Secret Closet has been purchased by us. We pay for our stock, and those stock bills can run into five figures in a month.

Unfortunately, the beautiful brands we stock don't send me a message saying:

“Hi Belinda! We absolutely love your Instagram. We'd love to collaborate. We'll send you thousands of dollars' worth of stock for free, and if you could just tag us in a story, that would be amazing.”

I wish they did.

They send me an invoice.

And then, like every other business, we have rent, wages, insurance, utilities, cleaning, dry cleaning, repairs, packaging, postage, technology, marketing and about 400 other expenses that nobody sees when they're scrolling through Instagram.

So when a small business gives something away for free, someone is still paying for it.

Usually, it's the business.

“But It's Great Exposure”

This is probably where I'm meant to say that collaborations aren't always about immediate sales.

And that's true.

I understand that marketing is about brand awareness, visibility and reaching new audiences. Not every post needs to result in ten bookings by lunchtime for it to have value.

But here's the less glamorous truth.

Visibility doesn't pay the stock invoice.

Followers don't pay the rent.

And a beautiful photo that gets plenty of likes but reaches an audience that will never hire from us may be lovely content, but it isn't necessarily a successful business collaboration.

As a small business, we have to think about where our dresses, our time and our money are going.

Because every complimentary hire is a dress that may not be available for a paying customer that weekend.

It still needs to be prepared.

It still needs to be checked.

It still needs to be cleaned.

It can still be damaged.

It still requires staff time.

And there is still a very real cost attached to it.

It's Not About How Many Followers You Have

This is important.

A genuine collaboration isn't necessarily about having 100,000 followers.

Sometimes someone with a much smaller, highly engaged audience can be an incredible fit for a business.

For me, the first question is much simpler:

Does this make sense?

Do you genuinely engage with our business?

Does your audience align with the women who hire from us?

Do you actually wear the types of dresses we stock?

Is the content you create something we can use?

Is there a genuine relationship here or have you simply got an event on Saturday and would prefer not to pay for your outfit?

Because those are two very different things.

The Collaboration Requests That Make Sense

The best collaborations never feel like someone is asking for a free dress.

They feel like a partnership.

There is thought behind them.

The person knows the business. They understand what we do. They may have followed us for months or years, hired from us before, engaged with our content or genuinely recommended us to their audience.

They explain why they think the collaboration would work, not just what they would like us to give them.

And most importantly, there is something meaningful in it for both sides.

That doesn't always have to be an immediate sale.

It could be beautiful content we can reuse.

It could be genuine exposure to an audience that closely matches our customers.

It could be an ongoing relationship.

It could be an opportunity to introduce Your Secret Closet to women who are actually likely to become customers.

That is a collaboration.

A message saying, “I have a wedding this weekend, can I borrow a dress for free and I'll tag you?” is, perhaps, something slightly different.

Small Businesses Are Allowed to Say No

I think this is the part we sometimes feel uncomfortable talking about.

Small businesses are allowed to say no.

We are allowed to protect our stock.

We are allowed to consider whether an opportunity makes commercial sense.

We are allowed to decide that exposure isn't the right currency for us at that particular moment.

And saying no doesn't mean we don't support content creators.

It doesn't mean we don't understand modern marketing.

And it certainly doesn't mean we don't value the people who genuinely champion our business.

It simply means that we have a business to run.

A business that employs people.

A business that pays rent.

A business that invests significant amounts of money into beautiful Australian designer fashion.

And a business that, ultimately, needs paying customers to continue doing all of those things.

If You Want to Collaborate With a Small Business…

My advice would be simple.

Start with the relationship, not the request.

Follow the business because you genuinely like it, not five minutes before asking for something for free.

Engage with what they do.

Understand their customer.

Explain why you believe the partnership would genuinely benefit both of you.

Be clear about what you're offering.

And perhaps most importantly, remember that whatever you're asking a small business to give you for “free” has a very real cost to the person on the other side of the screen.

I love collaborations.

I love seeing our dresses on incredible women.

I love beautiful content.

I love discovering new creators and working with people who genuinely understand Your Secret Closet.

But the best collaborations are exactly that.

Collaborations.

Not transactions where the small business provides the product, carries the cost and crosses its fingers that “exposure” might eventually pay the electricity bill.

Because after ten years in business, I can confirm:

My electricity provider still doesn't accept Instagram tags as payment.

And honestly, I've checked.